I'm trying out as an assistant/second shooter for a well known German wedding photographer and I hope I can score a summer internship and learn everything there is to learn about wedding photography while gaining some hands on experience and some pretty images for my portfolio.
These days I'm breathing and living photography like never before. I stay awake in bed until 4-5 am thinking about photography, reading photography blogs and books and envisioning my future company. Just yesterday I went to the park to switch off and relax a bit, but I ended up spending the whole afternoon there eating up Jose Villa's Fine Art Wedding Photography Book from the first page to the last! (it's really great with good advice and beautiful images) There is not a single day passing without me taking pictures. I heard that if you really want to become good in something you need to practice at least 800 hours. I have no idea how many hours did I spend photographing in the last year, but for sure a lot! :)
I've said on the blog before but I'll say it again. If there is something you really want but you're too afraid to do it... DON'T be! I honestly can say that I've never been this happy in my life. I have a long way to go and I'm just on the very beginning of my journey but I have no doubt, none whatsoever that I will make it. I feel like I was born to do this. Yes I still have a lot to learn and a couple hundred hours to practice before I can call myself a pro but you know what... a few days ago someone asked me what my job was. I hesitated for a second but than I said that I'm a photographer. In that moment tears filled my eyes and I had the biggest joker smile you've ever seen... photographer!? me? is it really happening? YES ! yes yes yes! That moment was worth everything. All the risks I've taken by quitting my safe and comfortable corporate job to pursue an unreal dream, all the hours I've spent googling and trying to figure out how everything is supposed to work from my exposure settings and off camera flash to photoshop actions... EVERYTHING. A friend of mine said that I'm so positive that it's almost arrogant. :) Am I? Well I just know it. Period. I'm full of hopes and dreams and maybe I'm naive but I've never felt this way before. I've fallen deeply insanely madly in love with photography and my prospective future as a photographer. Every single philosophy, brain control and guru says that if you can dream it you can make it, one step at a time...
I've found this Lost scene on Jasmine Star's old blog from when she was just starting to spread her wings as a photographer (but this will I have to be a separate post... I love that women and I cry on her posts! I could just copy all her early posts into my blog because I feel exactly like she did about photography and about wanting it so bad... the fact that she is now one of the world's top 10 wedding photographers fills me with so much joy, happines and hope that it's unbearable reading her posts without crying.) and it couldn't be more true for my current situation (and of course made my cry again):
"Scene set-up: John Locke is encouraging Charlie, who’s going through drug-withdraws
Locke takes Charlie over to a cocoon and while Charlie thinks it’s that of a butterfly, Locke explains that the cocoon is even more special because it’s a moth’s cocoon. Locke tells Charlie that he could make a slit in the cocoon and help the moth escape a little sooner, but that would do it a great disservice. In doing so, the moth would prematurely hatch, but his life would be shortened. Locke explains that the struggle is what makes the moth so strong and provides for a longer life expectancy. Moths are resilient and it’s the struggle that makes them successful in the long run."
So overall it doesn't matter if I get this assistant gig or not. I hope I will, I really really hope I will because to be honest I don't think they could find anyone more enthusiastic or dedicated than I am and I'd really appreciate the opportunity to learn, but even if I don't it will not stop me or hinder me whatsoever. I'm not a religious person but I do believe that everything happens for a reason and however my path will be that's the path I have to take to get where I want to get.
I'll let you know exactly how today goes (I'm crazy excited) because I want you to know how I'll feel and because like Jasmine, I want to look back one day and remember my humble beginnings, remember the tears of joy, the excitement that I hope will accompany me on my journey forever. One day, when I'll be a rockstar photographer... :)